one mo' daaaay!

one more flippppin daaay!

the past few days in south carolina leave me no reason to come back here.

but when i do come back i will be a different person not just mentally but physically. just watchh!

im pretty excited to see my family and spend time with my mom. and it'll do me good to get away from certain people around here.

but i will try to write everyday and let yall know whats uppp!

(:



I CANNNT WAIT! (:

day ninee.

- someone you wish you could meet...

hmm, i wish i could meet my 'true love'

i know that he is out there somewhere and i want to meet him...

(:

anywaaays

today would have been 2 yearrs and 5 months since me and bobby started dating. i miss him!

but i have a few things to get off my cheast!

how come when you tell someone the truth, they get there feelings hurt but when you lie to them and tell them what they want to hear, you are the good person? i dont understand?!

and another thing,

im not perfect and i say things that i mean in a different way then you take them so b4 you start running your mouth how about ask me about it... grow some balls and ask mee! (:

i mean this is MY blog and im going to write WHATEVER i want. regardless if you like it or not. you dont have to read MY blog. once again its MINE!

&& last thinggggg,

immmm happpy thaaanks to this boy!

last night was GREAT! and i never wanted it to end.

im glad we are good again bc i sure have missed him

<3

'up outttt my faceeeee' <-- clickkkk

daaay eightt.

Favorite 'Internet' Friend...

welll, i don't really have anyone thats just an internet friend so i don't have a favorite.

buttt, i have 13 days until i leave this place. here lately i cant wait for those 13 days to pass. my life has been hell. the only people that have been making this decision harder is my family. and thats it.

i get traded, ditched, and lied to by everyone else. thats why im leaving here!

im tired of being put in 2nd place, if you cared about me at all you wouldnt put me there.if you really wanted me to stay here then i think you would be spending as much time as possible with me while you have the chance. because come july 23rd you wont have the chance. im really done with you this time. im tired of all the pain i have to go through just to try to be someone special and mean something to you. i cant take it anymore. its going to hurt sooo much but its something that i have got to do. i prayed so had last night that you would fall in love with me like ive fell for you. i just want to be happy and when im with you, im happy!

but in the end, the lonely nights where you would rather be with another girl, are not worth it anymore.

maybe one day you will realze what you lost and maybe by then i can treat you like you have been treating me. but in the end, everyone deserves to be happy. & i wish the same for you.

i'm going to miss you AMM.

even though i really love you, i'm going to smile bc i deserve to...

daaay sevennn.

My EX; Bobby Lowe

wellll, where do i begin?

its was december 18, 2007 when i met bobby for the first time. i remember this night like it was just a few weeks ago. when i saw him the feeling i got was a feeling that i have never experenced before. it was like one of those slow motion movies, it was perfect. i remember me and raley were walking around at sandhills and i saw him sitting in front of nestle. we had talked on myspace plenty of time but it was never anything serious. but when i looked into his eyes everything changed!

from that moment i knew bobby wasnt going to be just another boy. i was 15 years old and everyone told me that i didnt know what 'love' was. but i did, i knew that i loved bobby and i didnt care what anyone else said or thought about him, i loved him, every single piece of him.

at the time bobby was hanging out with the wrong crowd and he was on drugs really bad. my parents didnt approve of that at all so they told him that he pretty much had to chose between me and drugs... when they told him that deep in my heart i knew that me and him were done! but he told them that he promised that he would quit! & he did! 

Feburary 11th, 2008 bobby asked me to be his girlfriend. without any hesitation i said YES! & thats where my life began. bobby was amazing. he was one persone that i could always count on. he had my back no matter what. he knew how to make he feel loved and wanted. he made me feel good about myself. he was everything that i wanted and more. soon after we started dating bobby pretty much moved in with me, we were perfect!

well until may 30,2010, we broke up.

we both agreed that we were going to take a break and try to work things out, well they never worked out and we both moved on. well he moved on, i never moved on. i wanted him back more then anything i was willing to do whatever it took to have him back. after over 2 years of being with one person, you cant just get over them.

well he started dating someone as soon as me and him broke up. deep down i was happy for him bc i always wanted him happy!

on January 30th 2010 bobby commited suicide. thats the day 2 lifes were taken, mine and his. im still on this earth but i'll never 'live' again. he was my reason for being here and now he's gone. i have tried and tried to move on but i cant i keep getting hurt and i think if bobby was here this wouldnt be happening to me, but i have to wake up and realize bobbys not here and never will be. i still to this day cry about him. he didnt deserve to die! he deserved to be here more then i did. why didnt god take me instead? why didnt bobby call me when he was feeling upset? why dont anyone know why he killed hisself? i have so many unanwsered questions! 

i know that bobby is in heaven and he's my angel bc without him watching over me and protecting me, i wouldnt be here right now. i love you angel!

RIP BOBBY LOWE

10/14/1990- 1/30/2011

i love and miss you

- your babygirl<3

daaay six;

a strangerrrrr.

my mommy always told me not to talk to strangers, so i dont(:

anywaaaays;

this weekend was interesting,

i learned that people are going to let you down and some people are going to make you happy even tho you know that they are only going to end up hurting you in the end. But for some reason i can't help it, i fall for you over and over again.

-todaaay, i am realllly going to see what im going to do. i hope & pray that things will work out bc i really like this boy and i want to be with him and only him.

'how come i always fall for your type, your type?'

daaay fiveee.

Daaaaay fiveeee:

a dreaaam<3

- i really only have one dream and that's to be happy.

idc if im broke and alone, i just want to be HAPPY<3

thaaat's about ittt.

i am to the point now that idgaf anymore.

PERIOD.

idcccc, (:

daaay four

Daaaay fourrr- Siblings.
I have one older brother, Duane and sister, Tonya.
i live with my brother. I thank god that i am fortunate enough to have such a great brother. Without him idk what i would do or where i would be. When my parents divorced he was there with open arms to take me in. He deserves the BEST. and god will bless him for everything that he has done for me. I love him and i wish i could thank him enough for everything he has done for me<3

my sister lives eight hours away in Ohio. I am also very blessed to have her. I dont get to spend much time with her but when we are together we have the best time. I love her to the moon and baccck<3

daaay three,

Daaay threeee:

your parents...

hmm, well...

• they were married for 29 years.
• they divorced almost 2 years ago.
• my mom moved to florida
• my dad moved to camden.
• i see my mom like once a year, but i do my best not to let the distance interfere with our relationship. it's really hard tho.
• i mean she's not here to help me with things only your mom can help you with.
• i see my dad maybe once a week, maybe...
• he lives about 10 min. away but he can't find the time in his busy life to come see me. it hurts me soo baddd.
• buttt, i love them both. no matter how much they hurt me, they are my mommy and daddy<3

Daaay twoo.

Day 2 — Your Crush

haaa. funny you should ask thiiiis^.

i would have to say that this is a subject that i try to avoid.

i mean there is one boy that i have more feelings for then anyone else.

so i guess that would mean my 'crush' would be RLH<3

just because i have feelings for two people don't mean that im a hoe, rightt?

i mean there is a difference between being friends and dating someone.

'when i'm with him, i am thinking of youuu.'

i think when you feel like this, then it's obvious who i want to be with.

<3333333

daaay onee:

daay one- your best friend:

i can't saay that i have just one of these, i have friends but not a best friend.

Heather Murray, Tony Murphy, Rocky Hood, Savannah Corder, Randi Ray, Rebecca Kersey and Chelsea Bradford are my friends.

i love each one of them in a different waay, w/out them, i would be lost<3

i love y'alllll<3

it's onnnn(:

Day 1 — Your Best Friend Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling(s) (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

he got the whole place glowin'

I hate when i tell myself im not going to let something happen, and it happens. I told myself that i would never fall for your mind games again and look i have fallen again. except this time, i am talking to someone else. so now i stuck between whats right and what my heart feels. which do i chose?!

Everyone saids time will tell and whatever is ment to happen will happen, but im scared in the process im going to be the one that gets hurt.

1 is ALWAYS there for me no matter what. i can text him anytime and i know that he will be there to get my mind right. He makes me smile and when we are together i am promised a good time. 2 is just confusing, i mean when we are together i feel like a princess, i get butterflys and those silly giggles and i find a perminate smile on my face. But when he's gone, i feel like a lost puppy. He wont tell me how he feels so what if im wasting my time on him, what if he really dont have feelings for me at all, and in the end im going to look like a dummy!

i have decided im going to talk to who i want, im going to do what i want and whatever happens, happens<3

this pic. is of me and my brother before my senior prom

^^

i went to prom with Rocky. after prom me, rocky, heather, rhett and will went bowling and didnt get home until around 3 AM. then rocky and heather stayed the nighttt<3 i had a great night thanks to a realllly great person<3

tonight, everythings on me

april 14th,

it's almost fridaaaaay!

i have never been more ready for the weekennnd!

this week has FLOWN by(:

i dont really have much to write, but i have to saaay that im prettty confused about everything lately! i wish things would just work out or whateverrrr they are going to do. im ready!

<33333333- AMEN TO THISSS:



i knew it..

I am honestly begining to think that I am suppost to be unhappy.

Just when I think that everything is going to be okay, something bad happens.

I don't understand what I did to you or why you want talk to me anymore.

Everything was fine & then the next thing i know, you wont talk to me.

I mean if I did something, at least tell me. or if you dont want to talk to me anymore, FINE just tell me so im not left in the dark. thats all that im asking...

anywaays;

today is monday, first day back from spring break and im determined that from here to May 28th, im going to bust my ass to get my work done! im going to start doing things different. im going to worry about me, and no one else^^^!

- if you want me, im here. if not, have a good lifeee<3

april 5th,2011,

how long is this pain going to go on?

no matter what, i can't seem to get you off my mind lately.

are you okay?

do you remember that when i said i would love you until i die, i meant it.

&& im still here.

why did you take the easy way out? & leave us all behind to hurt?

why?

</3

look bobby, i need your help. give me strength to move on but never forget.

i love you.

this is for you bobby<3 you always told me when you died you wanted this to be played at your funeral, and it was. i miss you.

CLICK^^

&& what you don't do for her, someone else will.

Hello Beautiful,

first day of spring breaaaaak !

the more that i sit back and think about it,

i don't think i can do this.

why do i care so much about you,

and it seems i mean nothing to you.

i dont want to be just another girl...

</3

; wonders if her love is strong enough to make him stay

whyyy?!

it's been forever, i know! so much has happend since the last time i wrote, i don't even know where to begin. just when i thought my life was panning out and everything was going to be okay, on January 30th,2011 my world came crashing down on me like i never expected! it was around 11:00 Sunday morning when my phone rang. my brother picked it up to hear that bobby had commited suicide. Bobby was my boyfriend, best friend, and my heart for almost 3 years. He was the one that i planned on spending forever with. the one that i wanted to have a family with, the one i wanted to walk down the aile to. at the time me and bobby had been broken up for about 4 months. but we still talked and it was obvious that the spark was still there. you know how you try your hardest to hate someone but no matter what they do, you still love them with everything you have? yeah, thats how me and bobby were. we said things we didnt mean but deep down we both knew that we loved each other and we never ment anything. Bobby and i had something special. something you see in movies and love songs. he knew how to make me feel important and wanted. he knew how to love me! and most importantly i could be 100% myself around him and he still loved me.  You really never realize how much someone means to you until they are gone, forever. i would give anything to be able to trade places with him. he didnt deserve to die. he had his WHOLE life ahead of him. i dont know what would have made bobby go that far? i wish i knew WHY?! sometimes i put myself to blame, if i would have been there for him, this may have never happend. if he would have just called me, maybe just maybe i could have talked him out of it. i could have showed him that he had so much to live for. he had so much ahead of him that he never got to experence. so many people that loved and cared about him. i believe he knows now that he really did have so many people behind him, so many people he could have came to for whatever was bothering him. i had his back, i had it and i will have it until the day i die.
it's been a little over 2 months now, i cant believe it! 2 months ago, i didnt think i was going to be okay. but i have to say that i have an amazing angel looking over me and making me go day to day! i know that he wouldnt want me to cry anymore, he would want me to live for him and thats exactly what im going to do! im going to show him that no matter what life throws at me, in the end i will be okay. just for him i go on day to day! i love you bobby lee lowe. 2/11/2008 foreverr<3
RIP BOBBY 10/14/1990- 1/30/2011.

i believe that life is a prize, but to live doesn't mean your alive.

SNOW(:

enufffff saiiid;

everybodyy dies but not everybody lives.

niggggg pleaaase!

hellurrr;

todaaay was a great daaay.

how about a 99 on my english exam(:

& markerting well im not sure about

softball was fun, like always!

i just ready for january 31st <-- tryoutttts(:

tomorrow is going to be bugggg<3 im excited(:

midnight bowling with my favoritesssss(:

im in a great mood and no one can change that.

<3

not even the boy that wants to be a jerk to me lately.

you know what i saaay?!

efffff it(:

cheers to the freakin weekennnnd<3

'Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.'

hiii sunshinnne;

- im sick;

- im happy tho;

- im tired of seeing the same faces everyday;

- im suppost to get my droid todaaay;

- im spending the afternoon with randi;

- im tired;

- nuffff saiddd;

@#$%^&*(:

i'll write more tonighhht<3

imma bad b*tch, imma cunt, & i'll kick that hoe, punttt.

hiii.<3

todaaay i realized,

that i do deserve someone much better than you.

i'm tired of your games, either you want me or you dont.

either way i will be fine, i promse you that.

im not like all your other 'girls' i'm not going to hang on to you.

i'm much better than that.

you know what they say, right?

'once a cheater, always a cheater'

but all im saying is if you want me, prove it.

     I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind.

& she's better known for the things that she does on a matress(:

daaang it's been fo'evvaaa since I did a blog! oh well; all i can really say is that my life is finally starting to fall in place<3

2011 is going to be one hell of a year- nufff saaaid<3

you & me could make the whole world jealous.

call it how youu see it, wish i neva' met yaaa'

I have decied come january 1st, 2011-

im going to be a totally different person!

no more letting people run over me

or

letting people think they are ANY better then me!

or

settling or anything less then the best.

period!

im ready for change!

(:

today was a good day!

wrestling match wiff ericka- was fun!

im going to watch some TV and then going to bed!

girl the way you do it got me like ah, ah, ah!

yo diss right hurrr'(:

waaaat it doo?

can anyone say, great mood?

cause thats what im in right now(:

today has been prettty grrr-atee!

me and rannndi had to take care of some stuff.

which came out GREAT!

weightlifting for softball is always funn(:

& now im texting some really amazing person!

christmas break is like 15 hours awaaay!

brinng it!



speaker's goinnn' hammmmer!

9 more daaays(:

Unrequited Love-

- Noun

1. being in love with someone who does not, and never will, love you back.

todaaaay has been prettty great; i saw you today and it didnt even bother me, actually it made me want to punch you in the faceee!



what's next?!

im not even sure how much more of this that i can take. it's my senior year and im suppost to be having a good time and enjoying my last year in high school. When in reality, im stuck crying over some stupid boy that somehow ended up meaning a little too much to me. the worst part of it all is i mean nothing to him. he could careless about me. how come i always fall for the players, jerks and losers? its bad when i check my phone every five seconds hoping that its his name that i see. i want to text him so bad but im scared that he will be a jerk and hurt my feelings and just make everything a million times worse then it already is. & then everyone is telling me 'felecia you can do so much better' but he makes me smile, he gives me butterflys, & i liked how it felt to have his arms wrapped around me. but im going to let god handle this, he knows whats best for me, right? whatever is ment to happen, will happen.



youu make me feel like everything is going to be okaaaay!

i would have to say that today was pretty greaaat

:D

wants my hair kinnda like this

instead of red its going to be pinnk,

againnnn!

do thaaa prettty girl roccck!

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

'Nobody is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry.'

^^ this is very true^^

<3

whaat the heccck?

todaay has been pretty weird,

i just feel like im in a dream.

....



yeaah, uh huh, you know what it is bluee & red, blue & red!

^^DEMONS^^

i just want to start over.

"If someone is always finding fault in you, reality is they arent happy with themselves and are trying to make themselves feel better at your expense. Just know who you are and what your abilities are and let them play the role of the fool"

stupid boy,

...!

today has pretty much sucked!

not because of anyone just because i feel like C R A P !

i hope i just need to catch up on some sleep...

goodnight babycakessss;

when im with him, im thinking of youuuuu</3

i'm ready,

todaaaay; was alright.

I need change in my life,

but how?

<3

'the good advice i alwaays hated,

but lookin' back it made me greater'

im just likkke you, only prettier

today has been so flippin cold #$%^&*!

i just need someone to snuggle withhh.

i have to say that today has been a wonderful daaay.

hannah had her christmas play and she was so cutee.

& now im laying in my warm bed working on my case-study

 speech on coca-cola.

& i wish we never did it, & wish we never loved itttttt.

i hope your not falling in love, cause im walking awaay.

i cant take this anymore. i just want to be happy, again.

 i CANT sit back & wait on you anymore. maybe one day you will realize how much i really liked you. & how everytime i see your face, my whole world brightens & you dont even know it.

</3

here's to the past,

happpy birthhdaaay tony,

wake up silly, i love youuuu!

i know this isnt going to be easy but take my hand & please never let go!

yeaah, i hearrd you good with 'em soft lipssss

i waaant you & only youuu.

baaaby please dont go,