whyyy?!

it's been forever, i know! so much has happend since the last time i wrote, i don't even know where to begin. just when i thought my life was panning out and everything was going to be okay, on January 30th,2011 my world came crashing down on me like i never expected! it was around 11:00 Sunday morning when my phone rang. my brother picked it up to hear that bobby had commited suicide. Bobby was my boyfriend, best friend, and my heart for almost 3 years. He was the one that i planned on spending forever with. the one that i wanted to have a family with, the one i wanted to walk down the aile to. at the time me and bobby had been broken up for about 4 months. but we still talked and it was obvious that the spark was still there. you know how you try your hardest to hate someone but no matter what they do, you still love them with everything you have? yeah, thats how me and bobby were. we said things we didnt mean but deep down we both knew that we loved each other and we never ment anything. Bobby and i had something special. something you see in movies and love songs. he knew how to make me feel important and wanted. he knew how to love me! and most importantly i could be 100% myself around him and he still loved me.  You really never realize how much someone means to you until they are gone, forever. i would give anything to be able to trade places with him. he didnt deserve to die. he had his WHOLE life ahead of him. i dont know what would have made bobby go that far? i wish i knew WHY?! sometimes i put myself to blame, if i would have been there for him, this may have never happend. if he would have just called me, maybe just maybe i could have talked him out of it. i could have showed him that he had so much to live for. he had so much ahead of him that he never got to experence. so many people that loved and cared about him. i believe he knows now that he really did have so many people behind him, so many people he could have came to for whatever was bothering him. i had his back, i had it and i will have it until the day i die.
it's been a little over 2 months now, i cant believe it! 2 months ago, i didnt think i was going to be okay. but i have to say that i have an amazing angel looking over me and making me go day to day! i know that he wouldnt want me to cry anymore, he would want me to live for him and thats exactly what im going to do! im going to show him that no matter what life throws at me, in the end i will be okay. just for him i go on day to day! i love you bobby lee lowe. 2/11/2008 foreverr<3
RIP BOBBY 10/14/1990- 1/30/2011.